A sticky wicket we’re in, what with Lehman Brothers, AIG, and all those other fill-your-pockets-and-strip-your-stomach-lining companies burning down Wall Street. Their death rattles snake through campus and creep into the tones of would-be bankers: the future is threatening, the Blackberry and squash lessons for naught.

No matter. Doom, gloom, and “information” is cable news’s domain. We’ll chalk the financial crisis up to “English Major’s Revenge” and move on.

But move on to what? In a Sept. 18 piece in The New York Times, columnist Roger Cohen wrote of Wall Street that, “No better illustration exists of a culture where private gain has eclipsed the public good, public service, even public decency, and where the cult of the individual has caused the commonwealth to wither.” For shame, you money-mongers, with your ambition, and your success, and your hi-def TVs. “That’s the culture we’ve lived with,” continued Cohen, “It’s over now. Some new American beginning is needed.”

The “American beginning” Cohen proposes is a sweeping embrace of the public sphere, a revolution of idealism and average salaries.

That sounds very nice, but in the interest of full disclosure, I happen to like money. And after four years of getting bludgeoned by the Bursar, you’ll come to appreciate it, too.

Cohen sneers at “the cult of the individual,” but The American Dream is built on personal fulfillment, material or otherwise. Some aspire to black satin sheets and a penthouse on the Upper East Side, others want to mentor troubled, inner-city youths and be the subject of a Lifetime Original Movie. Most, I think, would be happy to be free of their student loans.

There is the problem. There can be no civic-minded culture shift when the cost of higher education dwarfs public sector salaries. The College Cost Reduction and Access Act of 2007, which was signed into law in September of last year, is one measure that could give students the luxury of turning down a Goldman Sachs or a Morgan Stanley.

The act adjusts repayment of federal loans to accommodate students’ salaries, and then there is the cherry on top: if a graduate works in public service for ten years, the entirety of her federal loan — both interest and principal — is forgiven at the end of those ten years.

A guaranteed clean slate after ten years is a coup for students who’ve long dreamt of being a prosecutor or public librarian, but it’s a daunting requirement for everyone else. The College Cost Reduction Act helps, but it is not enough to ease the pain of uncertain and debt-riddled graduates.

Tuition at Cornell’s endowed colleges is hovering around $36,300 per year. Tack on books, student activity fees, sorority or fraternity dues, room, board, utility bills, parking fees, travel expenses, and the booze you drink to try to forget it all, and that $30,000 public school teacher’s salary doesn’t look so enticing. You could delay these real-world money problems by hunkering down in graduate school, but at Cornell Law School, for example, the cost of living for a first-year student runs at about $64,920. It’s no wonder “the best and brightest” seek refuge in the arms of investment banks. Or “sought”, rather.

So, to summarize: we’re all screwed.

To the aspiring Wall Streeters who were expecting to have a job by now, do what bitter Arts and Sciences kids with no prospects do: head over to Bartels and get yourself a line number.* And when you go to Lynah Rink, bring your rage and bring your despair and cram it all into 60 red-hot minutes of vicious heckling and hooliganism. You may not win in the real world, but by God you’ll win in the rink.

*If you are a foppish, golf-clapping type, enjoy giggling and text messages, are well-adjusted, or find cowbells distressing, please refrain from buying hockey tickets. You are a buzz kill.

Carolyn Byrne is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She can be reached at cbyrne@cornellsun.com. Byrne It Down appears alternate Tuesdays this semester.