Observe: Vaguely horny, mid pre-game on a Thursday night, Boy X decides to plant a seed with Girl Y for later that evening.

10:57 p.m. — Boy X text messages Girl Y: “yo, hope to see u lata.”

As a result of subsequent deductive processes, Girl Y’s head nearly spins off its axis. Her thoughts, in order of occurrence…

1. OHMYGOD. I knew there was a reason he cut me on line at Terrace.

2. A comma!? Ugh, love it when they punctuate.

3. So… he’s saying he wants to get naked.

4. “Lata”? Is an entire word too much to ask? Ew. He probably cheats on girls all the time.

5. He’d be an awful father. Asshole.

Don’t you just want to vomit? Is this the first time you’ve heard such idiocy? Could you be Girl Y?

If you’ve ever sat behind a row of annoying text-whores in class and nearly grabbed the phone and thrown it, you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve thought of smacking a friend during the course of a ten-minute interpretation of a six-word message, you get what I mean. So, what is it about the power of text that can crap up our perceptions of the universe?

We overanalyze, over-generalize and over-interpret as a result of our newfound reliance on technology for communication. Far from the evolutionary way, we choose to make our communication as unobtrusive, indirect and vague as we possibly can. And, as a result, we are often fooled. Considering the countless multimedia ways to “speak” to someone — sans speaking — it is no wonder we have no clue what everyone is talking about. Technology, invented to better our world, is all around us and continues to develop each day. However, communication has become so contingent upon it that we have taken on a whole new view of this cultural institution. Where can we find some examples? Let’s look to the website that is most likely pulled up on your laptop at this very moment: everyone’s favorite, our insatiable addiction — the ’book.

So, he Facebook-“poked” you. Does anyone know what a poke means? Here’s my advice: don’t feel too special. Poking is weird. How does one even interpret it? It could be anything from a “Hey, I’m bored,” to a “Hey, maybe she’d do me,” to a simple “Hey, what’s this button do?” Essentially, the poke is meaningless. And when you get one? Don’t get your panties in a bunch — it doesn’t mean he’s into you.

But, wait — alert the press! A wall post, you say? Just kidding. Sure, he may write something cute or funny on your Facebook page, but I hope it takes a bit more than a post to land you in the sack. A wall post is simply a comment on a web page. Big whoop.

Alas, there may be a glimmer of hope for Facebook romance. Cruel as I may be to its other applications, there is but one that may be of some consequence: the message. Rare as they are, Facebook messages are private and personal. The downside? Well, when was the last time you found love in a Facebook message? It may have worked for my roommate, but as for the rest of us? I’d suggest not holding your breath.

Another area of technologically mediated communication is the text message. Several issues come to mind that pose enormous obstacles upon our understanding of one another.

One such issue is the “mass text.” I’m not saying there is anything wrong with texting more than one person at once. But there is something inherently sneaky about fooling someone into believing they are the only person special enough to receive a text from you. A “come over” when directed at only one person seems a kind, welcoming, and for some, potentially romantic gesture. While anyone would like to be invited for the pleasure of his or her company, getting invited to fill space is not a compliment.

Without even knowing it, we are misreading and distorting communication messages all the time. Our gauge of normal communication has been permanently altered. When was the last time a hook-up actually started with dinner? When a girl would actually speak to the guy in person (no, not Facebook “friend”) before going back with him to his apartment? What is the effect of our reliance on anything but face-to-face communication? Not only have we all but lost our ability to take textual communication at face value; we have diminished our capacity to communicate by hiding behind technology. Spending all of our energy interpreting new forms of textual communication, we have compromised the social skills we spent so much of our lives developing. And we have confused ourselves, and others, in the process. Whatever happened to pushing the girl you liked on the playground? It may not have been a direct way in, but at least you got some face time!

So, where do we go from here? Technology-dependent and increasingly inept at communicating like normal people, my advice is to step back and assess your own behavior. Think I’m overreacting? I dare you to spend a day technology-free. Good luck communicating.