Exhibit A: the permanent marker-drawn “X” on your right hand has inexplicably found its way to your left cheek and mysterious stains cover your party clothes. Exhibit B: you vaguely remember waiting on a long line in the bitter cold, then proceeding to profusely perspire for the rest of your evening. Exhibit C: your head is killing you, and you are fairly sure that the indeterminate red beverage you were sipping on all night is the culprit. Exhibit D: you were sweat on, danced on and spilled on, and had an overall fantastic evening. Where were you last night at 1 a.m.?

Seeing as 30 percent of undergraduate students are involved in Greek life here at Cornell, it is no surprise that Greeks and non-Greeks alike enjoy a good frat party every once in awhile. With 45 fraternities to choose from, there is reliably a party or three to choose from on any weekend night. There are no rules, no guest lists and very few signs of sobriety at most frat parties on this campus. Such parties can seem like complete free-for-alls, leaving each man to fend for himself. They can just as easily be fun, and heck, even memorable if you don’t drink yourself silly. To ensure that you don’t compromise your safety or your sanity, there are a few things that you must keep in mind as a potential frat partier (aka – “fratter”).

Getting in: unless you know a brother at the fraternity who can help you jump the line, expect to remain outside for a while. Thanks to security’s semi-effectual checking of Cornell IDs (to weed out Ithaca College kids and other such crashers), waiting to get in can be, at times, exasperating. Once you cross the threshold, however, you are good to go. My advice? Call a brother to expedite the process.

Who you’ll see: while all the brothers of the fraternity will obviously be in attendance, it is always interesting to note the other partiers. Freshmen usually dominate these things. Expect sophomore girls aplenty, though the unspoken rules of getting fratty dictate that junior and senior girls are a bit too old for this sort of thing. Be you an unpaired freshman girl, do use this to your advantage; there are always older boys aplenty, and you are their prey of choice.

What to drink: beer and boxed wine will be the only alcoholic beverages (in plain sight). Be prepared for intense games of flipcup and beirut, and be good at both. Such sports can get highly competitive, and you don’t want to be the one keeping eager partiers from getting their drink on. Franzia, the Cornell Greek system’s boxed wine of choice, is the kind that you’ll probably regret drinking in the morning. Sweet, bubbly and delicious as it may be, beware the impending hangover. Finally, there is “jungle juice.” An indistinguishable medley of alcohols and high-fructose fruit juices (and hopefully nothing else), this stuff will send naïve over-drinkers running for the toilet bowl. Be wary, young drinkers, this is not your mama’s Kool-Aid.

Themes: a good way to distinguish the freshmen from the big kids. For no other reason than sheer amusement, some houses employ themes for their parties. Sometimes, attendees are urged to wear a particular color. Other times, they are invited to dress for a given role: “country club,” “jungle,” “luau” and “Playboy” are just a few such clichéd varieties. You might wonder what the fundamental purpose is for such a scheme. As any brother will tell you, it’s none else but fooling the younger ones into dressing as provocatively as possible. Duh.

The scene: hot, sweaty and foul smelling as it may be, there is little in the world like a dance party in a fraternity basement. You will dance with people you don’t know and won’t give a damn. You may even make out with someone and not recall in the morning. You’ll chat for half an hour with the neighbor you never bothered introducing yourself to, and will continue not to acknowledge his or her existence the very next day. Essentially, what happens on the dance floor, stays on the dance floor. And, when getting groped, bumped into and stepped on finally begins to cramp your style, you know it is an appropriate time to be on your way.

In closing, I will provide a few crucial rules for surviving the Cornell frat scene.

1. Allow yourself to come up for air. Remaining in the middle of the dance floor for hours at a time will significantly increase your risk of dehydration and/or suffocation.

2. Find a brother to bring you upstairs. And if you don’t know one, meet one. Whether you are in search of something stronger than beer, need somewhere to continue your dance floor make out session or just need some fresh air, he is your ticket past security.

3. Watch what you drink. You don’t want to get lost, wake up in the wrong bed, overpay the cab driver or end up at Nasties alone.

4. Think Jeremy Grey. Never leave a fellow fratter behind. Fratters take care of their own.

Now that you know how to handle the frat scene at Cornell, it’s time to get out your drinking shoes. Be smart, party hard and frat like a champion.