At the risk of becoming (i.e. remaining) “that uber-Jewish guy who writes for The Sun,” I’ve decided to follow up my column from last week (“Ivory Tower Chutzphah”) with an unabashed celebration of the word chutzpah and other Yiddishisms that have crept their way into the American vernacular over the past several decades. I’ve provided definitions, pronunciations and creative sentences putting the words in proper context. Call it Yiddish for Dummies ... the Cornell Version.

As you probably know, Yiddish — once the lingua franca of Eastern European Jewry — is today a dying language, spoken largely by Jewish octogenarians at bridge games in Manhattan, on shuffleboard courts in Miami Beach and in nursing homes around Israel. Yet if you have one or more Jewish parents, you’ve probably heard most of these words and never thought twice about it. Of course, you don’t have to be Jewish to appreciate this column. If you live in New York City, enjoy Woody Allen movies and/or go to Cornell, you’ll be familiar with plenty of this as well.

Disclaimer: While most of the following words are cute — the type that, if used correctly, might earn you smiles from your Jewish friends — others are, well, colorful (not to be used in polite company, or ever in some cases) ... So if you’re the type who’s easily shocked or offended, please keep reading!

Shvitz (shvits) v. to sweat; Tuchis (too-khis) n. ass: “In Ithaca, you shvitz like a pig all summer and freeze your tuchis off the rest of the year.”

Mishpocha (mish-pookh-uh) n. family; Kvetch (kvech) v. to complain: “After a four-year schism, the Cornell Review and the Cornell American are one big mishpocha again — now they can kvetch in unison and kill half the trees.”

Shanda (shahn-duh) n. a shame; Schmuck (shmuk) n. a contemptible person (lit. “penis”): “It’s a shanda that Cornell doesn’t do more to keep respected professors like Jeremy Rabkin and Walter Mebane, especially when you consider some of the schmucks they continue to employ.”

Schlong (shlong) n. penis (lit. “snake”); Shtup (shtoop) v. to fuck (lit. “to press”): “Joan will cut off her boyfriend’s schlong when she finds out he’s been shtupping her best friend.”

Mensch (mensh) n. an upright, mature person (lit. “man”); Putz (puhts) n. a jerk (lit. “penis”): “Andy’s the biggest mensch you’ll ever meet, but his brother’s a real putz.”

Schnorrer (shnohr-er) n. a moocher; Chutzpah (khootz-spuh) n. gall, audacity: “Jeff’s such a schnorrer … first he borrows $10 from me, then he has the chutzpah to ask for another $20 before paying me back.”

Shtick (shtik) n. a comic routine, funny business (lit. “piece”); Goy (goy) n. a gentile (lit. “nation”) MILDLY DEROGATORY, use sparingly; Feygele (fay-guh-le) n. a gay or effeminate male (lit. “little bird”) HOMOPHOBIC, avoid; Shvartze (shvahr-tsuh) n. a black person PRETTY F-ING RACIST, use at own risk: “Sacha Baron Cohen’s shtick fails to make my grandfather laugh — he just doesn’t see the humor in ‘some goy from Kazakhstan, an Austrian feygele and a Brit who thinks he’s a shvartze.’”

Schmooze (shmooz) v. to chat idly; Meshuga (muh-shoog-uh) adj. crazy; Shicker (shi-kur) adj. drunk: “House parties are much better venues for schmoozing than bars; they’re not as loud or dark, the scene’s not as meshuga and the people are somewhat less shicker.”

Shlep (shlep) v. to haul, to make an arduous journey; Zhlub (zhluhb) n. a disheveled person, a slob: “There’s no way I’m shlepping from C-Town to North Campus for a frat party at 2 a.m.; besides, I look like a zhlub right now.”

Naches (Nah-khis) n. pride (esp. in one’s children); Kvell (kvel) v. to feel naches: My mother had so much naches when she saw my report card; I doubt she’ll be kvelling when she gets my bursar bill.

Schlemeil (shluh-meel) n. an exceedingly clumsy person, an oaf; Schlemazel (shluh-maz-ool) n. a chronically unlucky person: “The other day in CTB, I dropped my $4 espresso like a schlemeil; Pity the poor schlemazel it landed on.”

Gonif (gah-nif) n. a thief, a rascal; Bubkes (bub-kis) n. diddly squat (lit. “goat droppings”); Shnook (shnook) n. a dupe, a dope: “The gonifs at the Cornell Store charge me $150 for a chemistry book in the fall, buy it back from me for bubkes in the winter, then sell it to some other shnook for $100 in the spring.”

Mechayeh (muh-khahy-uh) n. a pleasure, a blessing; Dreck (drek) n. garbage, crap: “It’s a mechayeh going to Cornell Cinema during Oscar season, even if they play dreck the rest of the year.”

Schmo (shmo) n. a regular person, a simpleton, an idiot; Yichus (yi-khis) n. lineage, pedigree, legacy; Macher (mah-khur) n. a VIP: “There’s no way that schmo would’ve gotten in here if his family didn’t have Cornell yichus and his father wasn’t a macher on the Board of Trustees.”

Schmutz (shmootz) n. dirt; Bubbie (buh-bee) n. a grandmother; Schmatte (shmah-tuh) n. a rag: “Adam didn’t realize he had schmutz on his chin until his bubbie came after him with a schmatte.”

Schmaltz (shmaltz) n. excessive sentimentality (lit. “melted chicken fat”); Shpiel (shpeel) n. presentation (lit. “play”): “I still remember those schmaltzy diversity shpiels Cornell made me sit through as a freshman.”

Schmy (shmahy) v. to wander, to meander; Tchotchke (chahch-kuh) n. a knickknack; Metsiah (Muh-tsee-uh) n. a bargain (lit. “find”): “The Commons is a great place to schmy around and shop for tchotchkes — every once in a while, you'll find a real metsiah.”

Shiksa (shik-suh) n. a gentile woman; Shaygetz (shay-gits) n. a gentile man: “Mrs. Cohen wasn’t pleased when her daughter married a shaygetz; wait till she finds out that her son’s dating a shiksa.”

Nosh (nahsh) n. a snack, a munch; Khazeray (khah-zoor-ahy) n. junk food: “Every time I went to Bear Nasties for a midnight nosh, I wished they had more healthy food and less khazeray.”

Oy, is he finished yet?

Ben Birnbaum is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He can be contacted at bbirnbaum@c­or­ne­llsun.com. Infomaniacs Anonymous appears Tuesdays this semester.