Re: Your Entire History

Dear Bigots:

In the last 127 years, I have read The Sun thoroughly from back to front (yeah, that’s right. I was in a frat and I read sports first, cuz I’m in a frat and stuff).

I’ve seen The Sun develop and employ catchphrases such as “Help Keep The Sun Rising,” “Wake Up To The Sun,” “Let Us Be Your Only Sun” and “We Promise to Be the Best Sun You’ll Ever Have.”

But in all my years, I have never seen any reference, not even one stinking pun, to that “other” celestial body. Still don’t know? I’ll give you a hint. Buzz Aldrin. Neil Armstrong. Soviets. The cow jumped over the BLANK. The man in the BLANK. Not once have you EVER EVEN TRIED to reference THE MOON.

The Moon has played an important role in the history of the world and more importantly, the history of Cornell. In 1897, Ezra Cornell bought himself a lovely glass and gold telescope to gaze out at the heavens EVERY NIGHT BEFORE GOING TO BED. What was he looking at, you ask? Not Mercury. Not Venus. And certainly not the Sun. He was examining those beautiful crevices and craters that make up the terrain of one of the coolest things in space: The Moon. He liked it so much, he even started a psychedelic, totally trippy band praising the moon and her children called The Moongazers.

Sadly enough, this important piece of Cornell history has been lost to everyone, even to Sun Columnist and resident historian Corey Earle ’07. All I’m saying is give The Moon some credit, will yah? Thanks for nothing.

Joseph A. Bread ’02

National Association for the Advancement of the Moon (NAAM)