Op-Ed
Running on Empty (Part 2)
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Everything In Its Right Place
March 2, 2007 - 1:00amIn my last column, I begged — nay, implored — you people to send me column ideas, and you know what I got? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. So I’m going to have to break out the mini columns again. If you don’t like them, send me something good to write about at jl482@cornell.edu. Once again, if I use your idea, I promise you either a shoutout in my next column or some lovin’ from my glorious ex-editor, Carlos Alberto Maycotte. (If you didn’t read his article last Thursday, he’s on the prowl for a wife ... and a green card.)
Mini-topic #1: Inane celebrity gossip
Naomi Campbell, supermodel/actress/hasbeen, was charged last year with assaulting her housekeeper when she threw a cell phone at the poor woman’s head for being late with her latte or laxatives or something. The assault caused a laceration that required the housekeeper to get four stitches to the scalp. In response to the incident, Campbell told Extra this past Tuesday, “I have a deep sense of shame for the things I’ve done ... I felt very remorseful for having thrown the phone at someone that didn’t deserve it.” Wait. Did I miss something? Would it have been okay if the housekeeper had deserved it? Or did she regret throwing her phone, and not, say, a shoe or something? At least she’s “remorseful” about it, which I’m sure means a lot to the woman who is now missing a piece of her scalp.
Mini-topic #2: Bad classroom etiquette
(A) If you make your friend save you a seat in a crowded class because you’re going to be late, at least have the decency to go. Nothing is more embarrassing than being the one jerk in a packed room who didn’t give up the seat they were “saving for a friend,” only to have it remain empty because Lisa from Long Island decided not to show up after all.
(B) Don’t be the kid who asks the professor incredibly specific and/or asinine questions in the middle of large group meetings at the expense of everyone else’s time and sanity. No one cares that you decided footnotes were superior to internal citations and “just wanted to know” if costumes would be a good idea for your thesis topic on the cultural relativism of African dance. And you can find out whether green and purple pens are acceptable for the prelim after class. Office hours and e-mail were invented for a reason.
(C) Why do some professors insist on mandatory attendance for large classes? I understand the argument for small classes — enforcing attendance promotes active class discussions that would otherwise be lost if no one showed up. In a humongous 400 person lecture class, however, where attendance has no impact on dynamic, I simply do not see the justification in forcing students to go. If a student wants to skip each and every lecture for a class, that should be his or her own business. If a student never wants to read a page for a class, that should be his or her own business. Surely his grade will suffer as a result — but that, too, should be a student’s own business. If a professor’s lectures are so irrelevant to his exams that no one wants to attend them, the solution should not be coercing students into going anyway — it should be writing new exams. Create exams that necessitate lecture attendance, and students will attend. Why do you think you’ve never seen an empty orgo lecture? But telling a 22 year-old what he must and must not do is not the answer.
(D) I think it’s pretty hypocritical when professors see nothing wrong with letting students out late from class. The same way that it is rude when we show up late to class, it is equally rude to keep us late after class. After all, we only have fifteen minutes to get from Goldwin Smith to Riley Robb, so we shouldn’t get dirty looks for doing the whole passive-aggressive shuffling-of-books-zipping-of-jackets routine to indicate that it is time to go.
Mini-topic #3: Baldney Spears
No matter how hard I try, I don’t feel bad for Britney Spears. If I had heard that anyone else had suffered a mental breakdown like hers after a very public and very difficult divorce, I might feel an iota of remorse — a touch of sympathy. But for some reason, try as I might, I’ve got nothin’ for Baldney. Something about the lustrous sheen on her recently shaved scalp, or the fact that an internet website is selling her head of hair for a starting bid of one million dollars (BuyBritneysHair.com... I kid you not), makes me break out into inappropriate-but-uncontrollable laughter.
When did I stop being on Britney’s side? Maybe it was around the 2nd or 3rd no-panties photo taken of her in a four-day period. You know, the one where her dress is hiked up so high you can actually see her C-section scar. Or maybe it was when she was photographed for a solid three weeks partying with Syphilis Hilton with no regard as to the two infant children she was leaving behind at home. Or maybe it simply was the day she went batshitcrazy and shaved off all her hair, and I just don’t remember. Either way, no matter what friends and better people tell me to sympathize with her “victimhood” as an (alleged) drug addict and troubled soul, I can’t help but think that no one forced the coke up her nose or the E down her throat. If being young, talented, beautiful, famous and rich beyond imagination are not enough for Baldney, then I’m coming up short on reasons to feel sorry for her.
On a brighter note, however, I hear that the photographer she beat the crap out of with an oversized umbrella last Friday during one of her (alleged) drug-induced fits is recovering quite nicely.
Jackie Levin is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She can be reached at jl482@cornell.edu. Everything In Its Right Place appears alternate Fridays.