There’s something about an entire day devoted to giving and receiving that just sits really well with me. I wish I could be one of those intellectual nonconformists who preaches about the superficiality of Hallmark cards and commercial America, but the truth is that, despite years of cultivated cynicism, inside of me lives a first-grader wearing Keds and a jumper who beams at the thought of a valentine in her cubby. While an index card in the shape of a heart and a Hershey kiss would probably not excite me the way it did my six-year-old self, I wouldn’t mind it if someone showed up with a little package — well not too little — this Valentine’s Day.

Unfortunately, the holiday of romance seems to have gotten itself a bad rep over the years. When I happily announced the topic of my pending column to my friends over Aladdin’s the other night, my enthusiasm was met with groans and whimpers. Years of hopes, expectations and disappointments had left my friends bruised, jaded and bitter. As I listened to heartbreaking tales of fights, break-ups and cards signed “Your pal,” as much as I tried to be compassionate, I couldn’t help but notice a disturbing trend in their stories.

When you ask a girl what she thinks a good Valentine’s Day is supposed to be, you might notice a certain element missing from her description. She’ll tell you about the gifts she wants, the affection she needs or the intimacy she desires, but she probably won’t make any mention of her reciprocating any of the generosity she expects the guys to give her. It’s no wonder why boys don’t have the same affinity for hearts, the color pink and other Valentine’s-associated things that girls do. From making the reservations, to purchasing the flowers to picking up the tab, when it comes to Valentine’s Day, the guys are expected to do all of the dirty work.

I want to know what happened to the strong, independent Cornell females we see the other 364 days of the year. Why do they suddenly expect the guys to interrupt their games of Fifa, don the shining armor and come to their rescue without getting anything in return? Whatever happened to sharing is caring? I think the students at this school need a little lesson in giving and receiving before Valentine’s Day comes around and they find themselves stuck between a candy heart and a hard place.

Giving and receiving are concepts that everyone seems to know and not everyone seems to put into practice. Some people are givers, some people are takers, and everyone knows that compromise is important, but roles tend to emerge anyway. I have to wonder, what is it about foreplay that creates these roles? Is it about the feeling of power? Is it about the feeling of powerlessness? Or is it just selfishness and selflessness at play? Why do some people like giving oral sex and others hate it? What makes someone a giver and what makes someone a taker?

After heeding the sex columnistic call of duty and doing some research, I found a variety of very interesting answers to my questions. When asked about foreplay, one person said, “It’s fun! It makes me feel like I can do anything to them!” while another claimed to “kind of feel used…like a toy. I’d rather just have sex and get right to the good stuff!” It seems to me that two people can do the exact same act, and feel completely differently about it.

That distinction is what defines a giver and a taker. It isn’t about what you are willing or unwilling to do. It’s about the reasons you have for doing it. Givers give, not because of obligation, but because pleasuring their partners is enjoyable for them. Takers can give, too, but takers give only when they feel that they have to give in order to take. This isn’t to say that they are wrong. Being a taker doesn’t make you selfish as long as you understand that everyone needs to be given a little somethin’ [somethin’] now and then.

The problem arises, however, when the takers are unable to recognize — or, worse, unwilling to accommodate — the givers’ needs to receive. A lot of people feel that performing oral sex is demeaning or that they shouldn’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. And they’re right. No one should ever be forced to do something they don’t want to do. But, being in a relationship means you have to learn to compromise. You can’t expect someone to do something for you, if you refuse to do something they want you to do for them. You have to be just as respectful of their feelings as they are of yours. Of course, if a guy buys you dinner, you don’t have to sleep with him afterward. But, if you’re expecting something, chances are, your partner is hoping you’ll return at least an equivalent favor. It’s all about reciprocity.

No one who truly cares will ever expect you to do something you feel uncomfortable doing. But, wouldn’t it be nice to occasionally volunteer a little effort for that certain special someone? What better opportunity do we have than Valentine’s Day to give back to the opposite sex from which we expect so much? If you want a guy to buy you roses, it might not hurt to give him a little extra attention on or around Valentine’s Day. And, if you find yourself in the position to do something nice for someone you love — or just someone you like a lot at the time — it doesn’t hurt to swallow your feelings about foreplay (no pun intended) and return the favor.