I’ve never been very good at keeping my mouth shut. Some people find this particular aspect of my personality rather bothersome, while others are a bit more appreciative. So, to those of you who sometimes have trouble exercising your right to remain silent, I sympathize. At times, it can be hard to anticipate other people’s reactions to some of our more … let’s call them “uninhibited” statements. At these times, we would hope to be in the presence of forgiving individuals … or, at the very least, we would hope to be fully clothed. Unfortunately, outspokenness doesn’t voluntarily rest just because we’ve removed our underwear.

Luckily, one kind of verbal candor has been known to elicit very positive feedback from our sexual partners. Dirty talk basically involves you telling your partner that you like what they’re doing, and there is no more effective aphrodisiac than a little ego boost. Basically, dirty talk is to having sex as cheerleading is to scoring a touchdown. What better way is there to put your partner in the mood than to don the metaphorical pom-poms (or actual pom-poms … whatever) as they’re working their way towards the end zone? Sometimes a little X-rated encouragement can mean the difference between good sex and earth-shaking, glass-shattering, wake-up-your-next-door-neighbor sex.

But this is no secret. Everyone has heard that dirty talk can enhance the sexual experience. Those who find themselves in a position to reap the benefits of this enhancement usually expect it to be relatively explicit. However, as vulgar as dirty talk is expected to be, it can still be offensive. Not everyone wants to hear that their partner would like to be peed on. When our sexual limits are exceeded, offense is nearly inevitable. This usually happens because there is a major discrepancy between the expectations of vulgarity between the Sex-and-the-City-watching, Cosmo-Girl-reading girls and the pornography-downloading, locker-room-chatting guys.

For girls, talking dirty is easy if you’re open to it. We girls can pretty much get away with anything when it comes to talking dirty, though there are always exceptions. It’s like playing a game of Mad Libs, except that instead of inserting a noun, you’re inserting a four-letter word or a synonym for “big.” And if you aren’t really into anything too raunchy, never underestimate the effectiveness of a well-placed “Oh yes!” or “That feels so good!”

Unfortunately for the guys, there’s a much shorter plank to walk. Girls tend to be a lot more sensitive. When we say “tell me what you’d like me to do” we don’t usually mean “call me a whore and demand that I get on my knees.” And if we ask you what your biggest fantasy is, we really just want to hear about a shower or whipped cream or some combination of the two. Crossing that fine line between excitingly risqué and foully inappropriate can ultimately spoil what could have been the best sex of your life. Shocking as it may seem, the porn you watched in middle school when your mom was at the supermarket and you were “doing your homework” didn’t exactly give you an accurate picture of what sex is supposed to be. Chances are your girlfriend is not a porn star. And if she is, she still might not appreciate that kind of talk outside of the workplace.

Of course, there are many girls for whom anything goes. Similarly, there are some guys who are uncomfortable with the idea of a running play-by-play while they are having sex. Basically, there is no way to predict how a person will react to dirty talk. So, the real question is how to talk dirty without offending your partner. How can we avoid the dreaded overshare while still enjoying the benefits of dirty talk during sex? How can we share our fantasies with our partner without them being met with a look of disgust — or, worse, an “ew”?

The answer to these questions is the same answer to a lot of questions. Basically, we all need to realize that the best sex of our lives is probably not going to happen with a stranger. Sure, you might really enjoy the allure of a one-night-stand with that mysterious person with whom you exchanged glances at Johnny O’s. But any sort of dirty talk with that person is a gamble. You don’t know what they expect because you don’t know them at all.

The only way to safely incorporate dirty talk — or anything of equivalent raunchiness — into your sex life is to get to know your partner. Hopefully, your limits will coincide with your partner’s, and the two of you can discuss your ideas of fun sex over a nice good session. If not, you might find that the two of you are simply not very sexually compatible, or that you might want to reevaluate your own sexual boundaries to meet those of your partner. When spoken tactfully, dirty talk can greatly intensify the experience of sex with your partner. If, however, you decide that it just isn’t for you, I’m sure that the brilliant Cornellians from the top 10 percent of their high schools’ graduating classes can find something else to do with their mouths.

Nikki Nussbaum is a sophomore in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. She can be contacted at opinion@cornellsun.com. Cornell Unzipped appears alternate Tuesdays.