When it comes to relationships, words like the G-word (girlfriend), B-word (boyfriend) and the ever-coveted, four-letter L-word (hey, don’t make me say it!) have become so taboo in our conversations that we have been forced to create ambiguous alternatives to lessen the blow of their loaded meanings. We put so much emphasis on classifying our relationships that it can actually hinder potentially rewarding ones.

One of my best friends, Brooke, found herself tempted to use a less-coveted four-letter word when asked about her own relationship. Brooke had been having a fabulous time hooking up with someone before he asked her on a date and her friends were bombarding her with questions like, “What does this mean?” and “What are you guys, now?” Frustrated with her own inability to answer these questions, Brooke left for her date anxious about its implications. Her feelings suddenly changed, however, when his cell phone rang.

“Yo,” he answered. “I’m on my way to dinner with Brooke. No, she’s not my girlfriend. Alright, I’ll talk to you later. Peace.” Brooke was relieved and enjoyed the rest of her date forgetting about why she had been worried in the first place.

What we don’t realize is that searching for ambiguous titles instead of scarier, more meaningful ones can make us just as confused. We should be able to do what feels right and enjoy our relationships without thinking so hard about what the right labels are. Instead of focusing our efforts on finding the right ambiguous title, we could get rid of this ambiguity and agree on universally acceptable definitions. Once the definitions are established, there’s no more need for titles — ambiguous or otherwise. Therefore, I have taken the liberty of offering suggestions for the meanings of these possibly vague titles.

Single

If you call yourself single, you probably fall into one of four categories: you can’t get any; you don’t want any (I’d get that checked out); you randomly hook up with people; or you just haven’t come out of the relationship closet and are afraid to admit that you are involved in one of the titles listed below. And why should you? After all, if it isn’t on Facebook, it isn’t official anyway, right?

The Booty Call

Booty call relationships are interesting because the person you are involved with doesn’t even pretend to be interested in you. They call you over to be physical and not to get to know you. It’s sort of like fast food. I just want to get in and get out, and I don’t want to know what’s in my Big Mac.

Friends with Benefits

So, you’ve got this friend. You’re both single but neither of you wants to be — dun dun dun — celibate. You agree to engage in sexual activities with this friend for the sake of convenience. Why bother trying to convince a person that you like them in order to get them in bed, when you can get someone in bed without convincing them of anything? It doesn’t mean that you don’t care about the friend. It doesn’t even mean that you don’t find this friend attractive. You’re sure that plenty of people would be lucky to be in a relationship with your friend … just not you.

Hooking Up

When you go out with your friends, you often find yourself attached to the same person’s face by the end of the night. Sometimes, you even try to make sure you will be in the same place as this person so that you can end up attached to this person’s face. Congratulations! You are hooking up with this person.

Dating

Not too common here at Cornell, dating means that, not only do you like making out with the person, you actually enjoy his/her company, too! The difference between dating and hooking up with someone is that you get to eat before going at it. Another good thing about dating is that, for now, you are allowed to date more than one person. You don’t have to date anyone else, but isn’t it nice to know that, if you want to, you still can?

Open Relationship

I like to think of being in an open relationship as having your cake and eating it too … and then offering a slice to that nameless hottie on his way to the bar. The unique thing here is that, unlike dating, you are in a “relationship.” You have someone, but you are allowed to whore yourself around like pre-frosh at a frat party, and he/she can’t say anything about it. For the record, open relationships never work if you actually care about the person. But, while you’re still in denial, I’d say it’s a pretty good deal.

It’s Complicated

Mark Zuckerberg really hit the nail on the head with this one. The two people in a “complicated” relationship don’t know what they want, and would rather call it complicated and sit on the fence than try to figure out a more fitting name. If someone tells you “It’s complicated,” what they’re really saying is, “I’m not ready to commit, but I’ll be really pissed if he/she hooks up with anyone else.” I like to respond with, “Oh, so I shouldn’t have hooked up with him last night?”

Going Out

We’ve all heard a lot of talk about what happens “in the long-run.” Well, here it is. You’re shacked up with all the strings attached and the credits will roll in any minute. You receive your friends’ stories of earlier stages with deep sighs, and wearing anything other than pajamas to places where you know you won’t see your boyfriend/girlfriend just seems pointless. It isn’t pathetic, though, because you’ve got a guaranteed birthday card in the mail from someone other than your grandparents.

As you read this, you probably tried to put yourself into a category. Instead, focus on what they mean so that, when you start your relationships, you can enjoy them rather than worrying about what they should be called. Relationships don’t need names to be fun, so you shouldn’t need them either.

Nikki Nussbaum is a sophomore in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. She can be contacted at opinion@cornellsun.com. Cornell Unzipped appears alternate Tuesdays.