Mentioning Sarah Silverman in my last blog entry got me thinking again about a topic that’s been on my mind for a while. I figure now is as good a time as any to put it out there. Basically, Sarah is approaching the apex of stardom in her comedy career. She’s already had several specials and her own stand-up comedy film. She’s had multiple movie and TV roles and has recently launched her own successful television show on Comedy Central. Throw in hosting the MTV Movie Awards, a spot in the top 30 on Maxim’s Hot 100 list, and being considered the funny one in her current relationship with Jimmy Kimmel (whose late-night talk show features an ongoing competition on which can go lower: its ratings or its dignity), and you’ve got the makings of the biggest thing in comedy.

Hey everybody. I’m blogging from humid South Florida. My family and I are visiting my grandparents for a few days, which means no internet for a few days, which means no YouTube videos of animals humping things. I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive. Anyway, I’m at a Starbucks down the road now, where I can pay ＄10 for sweet, sweet T-mobile Wireless DSL.

Hey loyal readers! I’m back again to be shallow, silly, and juvenile, because I know that’s what you want. Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I was just on a trip to Greece. Let me tell you, the flight back was awful, because the guy next to me didn’t know how to handle flying. I mean he was coughing up pints of blood into barf bags. He said that he just got married. I sure hope he’s okay. He’s a great kisser though.

Anyway, I couldn’t think of anything to do a long blog entry on, so instead, here’s a bunch of little blurbs about things in recent news.

— This past weekend, competitive eater Joey Chestnut set a new world record by eating 59 ½ hot dogs in 12 minutes. This shattered the previous world record of 53 ¾ dogs, held by six-time Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest champion and ladies’ man Takeru Kobayashi. Now, news outlets and late-night talk show hosts have been quick to crown the 23 year-old Chestnut as the new world champion, but that is definitely not the case. Chestnut broke the record at the Southwest Regional Hot Dog Eating Championship at the frozen tundra of the Arizona Mills Mall in Tempe. This was one of fourteen preliminary competitions to qualify for the main event (the Nathan’s Contest) at Coney Island. As the long-standing defending champion, Kobayashi doesn’t have to qualify, and thus wasn’t there. As a result, Chestnut can’t yet claim the title of world champion until he beats Kobayashi head-to-head. Chestnut came very close last year to dethroning the champ, but finished a dog and 3/4 short. This situation is almost identical to one that appeared in track and field a couple of years ago between sprinters Asafa Powell of Jamaica and Justin Gatlin of the U.S. team. At the 2004 Olympic Games, Gatlin won the gold medal in the 100 meters while Powell finished fifth. In 2005, however, Powell broke Tim Montgomery’s 2002 record in the 100 meters with a time of 9.77 seconds. As a result, this set up one of the most exciting match-ups in sports: the world champion vs. the record holder, which was to take place at the 2005 Athletics World Championships. Of course, Powell got injured a month before and couldn’t compete. Then in 2006, Gatlin tested positive for performance enhancing drugs and was banned from competition for eight years, so it will be unlikely that we will ever get to see the two faceoff again. Lucky for us, that won’t happen this time, unless Chestnut gets his tonsils out and Kobayashi tests positive for vanilla extract.

Editor's Note: Wasserman has written a collection of short jokes for his entry this time. Enjoy!

• The Pussycat Dolls will be providing the song for this year’s NBA finals. They got the job after the NBA realized that seven Fergies are more annoying than one.

• Their song will be titled, “Don’t Cha Think Ilgauskas is So Ugly.”

• An 11-year-old boy in Alabama shot and killed a 9-foot, 1,000-pound wild hog. So that’s where Sidney Ponson is now.

• Two Nextel Cup drivers wrote letters supporting former NASCAR PR person Chip Williams, who was sentenced to 26 years in prison this week for coercing minors into sexual activity. The two drivers weren’t named, although it is suspected that they race for NASCAR’s Mark Foley Motorsports team.

• Chicago Cubs Carlos Zambrano and Michael Barrett got into a fight in their dugout and locker room that resulted in Barrett having to go to the hospital with an open lip and two black eyes.

Okay, I know I’m over a week late in writing this up, but it was a very painful experience. I mean come on, you all saw how it happened, so can you blame me for still feeling torn up inside? Of course not.

Anyway, I feel I need to write this because I was actually at the game (Baltimore is only 45 minutes from my home in Bethesda, Maryland). Yep, I had a press pass and everything, just like a real reporter. I was there for two days, on Friday for the team’s practice and on Saturday for the game, so let me give you my view on the things that happened.

It’s that time of year again. It’s time for the most anticipated sports event of the year. I’m talking, of course, about the French Open, an event rivaled only by the Arkansas Derby and the “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?” season finale. Unfortunately, there will be no more U.S. flava on the men’s draw this year, as all eight Americans were eliminated in round one at Roland Garros. This disastrous occurrence leaves me feeling devastatingly indifferent and tragically meh.

In all seriousness, tennis is in a major downswing. It’s doing slightly better than boxing, which placed all its hopes on survival on the Floyd Mayweather—Oscar de la Hoya fight being a classic (it wasn’t). Unless Antonio Tarver discovers a cure for AIDS or Wladimir Klitschko wins “Dancing with the Stars,” boxing is doomed. Anyway, back to tennis.

I’m sure most of you already know about the latest Michael Vick controversy. For those who haven’t, Vick’s nephew was arrested at his Virginia mansion (Vick’s, not the nephew) for running an illegal dogfighting ring. Police actually found several pit bulls, most of which had major injuries. The big controversy though is that some of Vick’s teammates have claimed that Vick not only knew about the dogfighting, he was really into it. Apparently, he won the Vick family dogfighting tournament pool when he picked Fluffy to upset Shnookums in the finals. Anyway, Vick’s reputation has taken another hit, the latest in a long line of stupid actions taken by an overrated, inaccurate quarterback. Let’s take a trip down memory lane and recall some of those great Vick moments.

Vick