I’m sure my loyal fans have started to notice the gradual shortening of my lovely bi-weekly columns. And for my next trick, I will make this column disappear!

But today I have a message of hope to my loyal fans — I flatly refuse to allow my column be choked out. No, I will continue to write meandering, sometimes funny, always ridiculous streams of consciousness until Editor in Chief Emily Cohn ’10 (who is required to read my column, ha! Did someone say No. 1 fan?) pries the keyboard from my spastic, over-caffeinated fingers ... lagging ad sales be damned!

On that note, I did have something I wanted to write about today with my remaining 300 words. Thanks to everyone who is still reading at this point, by the way. Ten points.

Earlier in the semester I toyed with the idea of doing an expose of sorts on Ithaca’s most underappreciated athletic activities. I started off on the right-foot by writing about Greek Peak, but my lofty intentions of engaging in all kinds of other unusual athletic endeavors were quickly neglected when the frantic chaos known as “senior spring” picked up momentum.

This is a most exciting time in the world of sports as another baseball season is underway, we witnessed the coronation of the 2009 NCAA men’s basketball champion last night and Tiger faces the possibility of his fifth green jacket this weekend. However, for some, these events fly under the radar and are overshadowed by “The Grandaddy of ‘Em All,” WrestleMania!

No, I am serious. According to Nielsen Media Research, 15 million viewers tune into the World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) weekly television broadcasts. It is routinely cable television’s highest rated programming of the week.

This past Sunday night was equivalent to the Super Bowl or World Series for professional wrestling: WrestleMania XXV.

I’ve been looking forward to the Final Four and National Championship games all week (read: for the past year), but one of the most interesting pieces of information to appear on SI.com’s newsfeed this week has nothing to do with basketball: Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) presented a resolution on Wednesday calling for a presidential pardon for legendary heavyweight Jack Johnson.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this man’s place in history — 100 years before Barack Obama was sworn into office as America’s first African-American president, Johnson became the first-ever black heavyweight champion. On Dec. 26, 1908, he beat Canadian champion Tommy Burns in Australia in a fight that went 14 rounds before being stopped by police. Johnson had as many haters as he had fans.

Height is not something one can learn. While drinking milk and eating vegetables may contribute, there is little anyone can do to affect his or her height, especially after a certain age.

In basketball, size is a skill. In the same way shooting and dribbling are skills, size is hugely important. Shaquille O’Neal was no more coordinated or athletic than most of his fellow NBA players, but he dominated the sport for several years because he was more coordinated and athletic than the few players who could match his size.

Today, unless I’m very much mistaken, is the last day of March. And this means that we at the sports department have been excitedly buzzing over those hallowed diagrams of paper and ink known to sports fans everywhere as the tournament bracket. That’s right everybody, March Madness is upon us! Who did you pick to win? Personally, I picked Missouri, based not really on the basis of talent or overall depth, but rather because I want the team that knocked our brave boys in Carnelian to ride that wave all the way to the national title. There’s something to be said for getting knocked out by the best collegiate basketball team in the country.

The play didn’t really factor into the end result of Cornell’s 78-59 loss to Missouri in the NCAA tournament, but it certainly grabbed my attention as I was squinting at my laptop’s live feed of the game.

With 10:57 left in the second half, junior Ryan Wittman was called for an offensive foul after swinging his elbow around and catching his defender, Zaire Taylor, in the nose. Taylor grabbed his nose and subbed out, though he came back less than two minutes later.

At least that’s how it would be reported in a calm, professional way. Here’s what CBS announcer Bob Wenzel said:

“That looks like a flagrant foul to me. Notice how his elbow comes away from his body, Zaire Taylor takes this one in the face. This looks flagrant to me.”

I know that people often read the Sports page to escape the buzz killing articles in the News section. And although I’m sure most people are sick of reading about our flagging economy, I can’t help but allow the current economic situation to inform my thinking about sports. It’s practically blasphemous to say it, especially in this venue, but the recent economic crisis has affected my love of sports. Not my love of Philadelphia sports, obviously, but the sports industry, in general.

Athletically speaking, Cornell may have one of the most unfortunate academic calendars.

Like many young sports fans, I grew up mesmerized by the college basketball tournament every March. I got so excited, so wrapped up in the story lines of the various schools I might not have even heard of before. I literally spent time just sitting in my living room, or lying on my bed, imagining what it would be like to be a student at any one of these Cinderella schools — wondering what it would be like to be surrounded by such energy and enthusiasm.

We are beginning to see them at every sporting event. They are the worst. Unfortunately, they are becoming the rule, not the exception. Next time the cameraman turns for a shot of the crowd, take a close look and you will see them. They are everywhere, usually in business casual attire, checking email on their blackberry while the rest of the crowd holds its collective breath until the final seconds wind off the clock.