It was the night of the second Orgo Prelim, a test even harder than the lap of a shopping mall Santa. In fact, it was so hard that they actually modeled Viagra off of the exam. I returned home after the test clutching my posterior, which was sore from the violent act of domination the test delivered to my ass.

When I arrived home, I decided to make my famous Bathtub Toast to help ease the pain. I was about to climb into the tub with the toaster when something that sounded like a goat giving birth stopped me. After all, I couldn’t go to the big Carbon Atom in the sky while listening to what seemed to be the dying squeals of a pig in a slaughterhouse. I went down the hall to investigate.