On Tuesday, someone installed a sea monster outside my apartment building.

Yes, you read that right — a sea monster.

Over the last couple of weeks, construction crews built what can only be described now as an octagon-shaped concrete nest for the large metal creature that was, as I said above, installed on Tuesday.

Well, come to think of it, maybe it’s not a sea monster. Maybe it’s just a large fish.

Could be a barracuda.

Should we name it? What could we name it?

Let’s name it Sarah. Sarah Barracuda — in honor of our long lost vice presidential candidate.

Welcome to the neighborhood, Sarah.

Now go away.

* * *

The New York Times, the Richard Blackwell of New York dailies, has once again cast doting eyes on Ithaca. According to a November 13 article, the city possesses an “eclectic spirit,” exhibits “palpable energy,” and “has embraced the influence of its colleges to create a liberal, cultural and gastronomic oasis...” And the streets are paved with smiles and gum drops rain from the sky.

As I sat in my overpriced Collegetown hovel reading about Ithaca’s “Greek Revivals” and “Federal-style” farmhouses, I was riled by the utopian euphoria. Ithaca may be a lovely place for retirees, families, and people who use “summer” as a verb, but much as I enjoy the quirk, the food, and the vistas, I’ve hardly felt “embraced” by this city.