I remember when I first came here, I tried getting with some girl in Collegetown on the first day of orientation. My attempt failed, naturally, as I was a freshman and she was a grad student. Also, I was wasted from one can of Miller Lite. Our conversation deteriorated to me asking which way leads back to North, and she said something along the lines of, “Up the hill. You always want to go up the hill.”

This just in … it’s time for spring fashion! Seriously though, it’s about darn time we had a few words spoken about fashion here. I mean, the other day I saw this girl wearing a mimosa. A mimosa! Before St. Patrick’s Day! My stars, I could not believe it. Thankfully she wasn’t wearing her letters at the time because golly, that sure would have been embarrassing. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

You know that sexuality survey you took last Spring? The one that was marked confidential? The one nobody was ever supposed to see? Yeah, when they said, “This survey is confidential and anonymous,” there was a footnote that said, “as long as you do not save this file on a public computer.”

Maybe, “Do you ever feel attracted to your friends?” should have been followed up with, “Do you want strangers to know this?”