The Pulse hears all.

Don't Jump to Conclusions

Guy: You're taking a bus somewhere this weekend? Where are you going?

Girl: I don't feel comfortable telling you.

Guy: The abortion clinic?

-CTP

So Is Pamela Anderson

Girl: She is such a slut.

Guy: She's not a slut. She's a temptress.

Never Your Dad

Guy #1 (talking about business concepts):...it does that as  long as it creates growth

Guy #2:Your mom creates growth.

—Stella's

This Won't Get Me A Job

Guy #1: For real, they make this shit up.

Guy #2: Seriously.

Can't Live Without It

Professor: The standard entropy of liquid water is 69.9. 

Guy #1:Yeah 69!

Guy #2: I guess that’s why I like water so much.

—Baker Lab

It's A Slut World After All

But Who Will Be Beta?

Guy #1: Dude, that's what we can do for a business! Steal stuff! And then sell it for a profit!

Guy #2: Yeah and then we can join the mafia.

Guy #1: And we could be assassins!

Guy #2: I'll be Delta Force and you could be Alpha force. That'd be sweet, man!

What a Girl Wants 

Drunk guy yelling: I know what women want! (Points to girl walking towards him) I know what you want!

Girl: You wish.

-College Ave.

I've Got The Power

Girl: He grades just soo...obnoxiously!

Guy: Yeah, obnoxiously!...He's just a nerd on a power trip.

-Outside Kennedy 

Would You Like A Cigar?

Professor Maas: You think you're seeing the clock tower, but really it's a penis.

Baby Mama

Technician to girl: Are you pregnant?

Girl: No.

Technician: Are you sure?

Girl (exasperated): Yes! I haven't been anywhere near a penis. Unless I'm about to give birth to the Son of God, I am ABSOLUTELY SURE I am not pregnant!

Minor Details

Woman: Yeah, I saw some baby squirrels hanging from the tree here. It was pretty great.

Man: Oh, I thought you said you saw babies hanging there, which would've been great...but in a totally different way.

-Behind Day Hall

We've Got a Runner

Overheards from around campus for the holiday week.