Junior year is some heavy stuff, man. Everywhere I look, the threat of Real Life looms. Mostly I just try not to think about it, but people tell me that now is the time that I should be figuring out what I want to do with my life (and by people, I mean my mother). I am not smart enough for academia (and by “smart,” I mean “pretentious”), I have no marketable skills, and I’m not interested in going to law school (zing!).

I know you are very concerned about me, but have no fear. I did some rull, rull deep introspectin’ and made the following list. Because I ripped this scheme off from High Fidelity, I think it shows that I am serious about my future.

(Rob’s) Elana’s Top Five Dream Jobs

1. A Shirelle.