University officials considered extending joint patrols between the University and City of Ithaca’s police departments to curb excessive drinking off-campus at a meeting of the Landlords Association of Tompkins County on Monday.

Look to your left. Now look to your right. If all three of you are reading this article and just looked at each other, give yourselves high-fives.

Haha. Yeah. Also, three of you will live in a shitty apartment next year. Possibly together.

Renting season is upon us. I know this because every day now, I get interrupted by at least two groups of clueless freshies looking for their first real home as they parade through my room.

They gawk at my spotless décor, all the while exclaiming to themselves how well-decorated everything is and how, “It’s absolutely perfect! We’ll take it!”

Only they never do. Or else the tours would cease.

The New York Times, the Richard Blackwell of New York dailies, has once again cast doting eyes on Ithaca. According to a November 13 article, the city possesses an “eclectic spirit,” exhibits “palpable energy,” and “has embraced the influence of its colleges to create a liberal, cultural and gastronomic oasis...” And the streets are paved with smiles and gum drops rain from the sky.

As I sat in my overpriced Collegetown hovel reading about Ithaca’s “Greek Revivals” and “Federal-style” farmhouses, I was riled by the utopian euphoria. Ithaca may be a lovely place for retirees, families, and people who use “summer” as a verb, but much as I enjoy the quirk, the food, and the vistas, I’ve hardly felt “embraced” by this city.