The results are in. 

Becky Lee discusses the tempestuousness of senior year.

I am writing this column from beyond the grave. That is to say, I have graduated. Not last May, like most students. Not even in December, like 10 percent of the student body. As with most things I have done here at Cornell, I went a slightly different route. I am probably the only person to have ever graduated at three in the morning, drunk in my underwear. All I had to do was send an e-mail with the faithful words “I quit.”

It’s not very often you see so many sexy faces in one place — and for good reason. “Sexiness” is an ill-defined and controversial concept: What’s sexy for me might be busted for you, and we’re not even sure what we’re supposed to be measuring — Looks? Allure? Heart-breaking potential?

The 25 students gathered here exemplify a unique Sun version of sexy. They’re pretty damn good-looking, we admit, but that’s not the main point. What we sought while racking our brains for our sexiest peers was a certain je ne sais quoi, a head-turning quality that makes you say, “Damn, I wanna hang out with that kid.” Also required was a willingness for self-abasement and a great deal of humility — after all, we’re not in the business of stroking egos.

So take a look at these smiling (or sexily frowning) faces, read their blurbs and rejoice in our good fortune. Everyone’s sexy in their own way, but hey — there’s only room for 25 today. And don’t get angry if your hot T.A. or your girlfriend isn’t featured. Remember: there’s nothing sexy about complaining.

Flashback: It was the best of times; it was the worst of times. The year was 2007. The place, here. And two newly sororitized girls awoke in a haze. Where specifically they were, we cannot say, and whence specifically they were, we cannot say either. Except that it was a Tuesday morning, they were outdoors (?) and sobriety managed to elude them. Nothing new. Those days it was drunk on the reg, yachts on the reg, poppin’ caps on the reg, stealin’ cars on the reg, run-on sentences on the reg …

R: that’s enough.

Should seniors still be hooking up with freshmen? See what A and Z think.

The nervousness! The intrigue! The walking into wrong classrooms! The first day of school is often exciting — the academic world rushing to welcome you in all of its charming geekiness.

But F all that optimistic noise: today also ushers in a whole year of hard work and late nights. Which is why lately I’ve started to think more and more seriously about time travel and astronauts.

As the great Calvin Coolidge once said, “No person was ever honored for what he received. He was honored for what he gave.” Thus, in a shameless grab for some honor I surely will not be receiving upon graduation, I’ve decided to give in a big way. No, I can’t promise a free car or 16 million rupee, but I think I can bestow upon you something close in value: A Survivor’s Guide to Cornell. Yes, I’m sure it has been done before, but still, I would feel selfish keeping to myself all the knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years. Anyway, here it goes: