Love him or hate him, Jeff K. has undoubtedly got people talking as The Sun's first ever male sex columnist. At the end off his tenure, Jeff delivers his parting shots.

Taking a girl's V-card can be tricky business, here's some cardinal rules to follow in navigating these never-been-sailed-on waters.

You might think spitting on your hands and rubbing them on your dick is the cool and appropriate way to prep for anal sex based on that porno your dad had saved on his computer when you were back in seventh grade. It’s not. Especially if you’re the one being penetrated because then you just spit on your dick for no reason, which doesn’t make much sense. Maybe it does, I guess I’ve got to ask a bottom (Answer: “Jeff, you are an idiot. You know that it makes no sense, I don’t know why you even thought it valuable to ask me.” So, yeah, it doesn’t make sense).

Ah Spring is in the air and campus has more fences than the “All the Things She Said” video by t.A.T.u.  I wasn’t intending on writing a Spring Break article — and this really isn’t one … it’s just about a stupid occurrence coinciding with when I was on Spring Break — but some people (a person) from Colby College (who vacationed at IFA Villas Bavaro in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic) (during the week of Mar. 21-27) (who I met at the “circle bar”) (not being specific or anything) got me thinking. And I’m thinking I really like parenthesis.

I eat with my elbows on the table and often talk with food in my mouth. I have no idea what an artichoke even looks like, let alone how to eat one. Despite my complete barbarism, I hold a very high code of etiquette when it comes to the bedroom. Maybe I don’t hold up on my end (although my sheets were laundered a couple days ago, if that counts for something), but know that even in the morning the most minute detail must pass through my comprehensive, six-volume (unpublished) publication (that only exists in my mind), Systemma Connubialica (yes, I researched a dead language for my column. Some Sun columnists actually do include a little effort in their columns instead of waxing indignant about PowerPoint in size 150 font, or, even worse, vomiting out the worst approval matrix known to man. I’m sorry I’m not sorry. I’m a cocksman).