We’ve been doing a lot of thinking about “things.” All these things, like the environment and health care and people on the street getting diseases from monkeys and pigs and birds. Who’s the weirdo that’s been touching all these sick animals? We mean, come on. They’re sick. They’ve got problems enough as it is.

So, not too content with how “things” were going, what with the temperamental economy and our joblessness and sleeplessness and everyone else’s crazy competitiveness, we decided to take happiness into our own hands the only way we know how: eating! With all these kids killing each other with guns and knives and forks, we thought, why not put all this cutlery to better use? Like, to eat pie. So we made a pie. And we think you should make one too!

I’ve always been a little set off by tofu. The texture isn’t quite right and the flavor is almost nonexistent. Until now, I’ve been dead set against the mushy mass of protein and would never so much as give it a passing glance. Over spring break, I was determined to find a way to make this ugly food a little more edible in my eyes. While listening to an episode of Martha Stewart Radio (Don’t judge me! They have great recipes!), I heard of a technique for preparing tofu that sounded promising. They stated that the key to making tofu correctly is to really dry it out, marinate it in potent flavors, and bake it until its crispy. So I placed the tofu in a glass dish, wrapped it in a clean towel, and put a fairly heavy bowl on top.