Today marks the deadline to apply for the Staff Retirement Incentive program. Engineered and implemented earlier this month, the program was a “one-time-only” opportunity for staff to apply to retire early, in an effort to help alleviate excess financial strain on the University.

We saw the incentive plan as an appropriate gesture. Predicting massive layoffs, the University gave staff the chance to reconsider retiring amidst the financial turmoil in exchange for an “enhanced contribution” to the employee’s retirement fund in addition to a lump-sum payment.

We at HEROES & VILLAINS frankly figured we wouldn’t have to put out a paper today, based on our totally sweet job breaking Slope Day on Wednesday. So that, paired with the fact that we're completely ready for another Spring Break, made us feel entitled to fiercely uncork the champagne and start playing flip cup. That was, until the powers that be told us to cut the crap and get to work. So we’re a few beers in, but here goes nothin’ …

As departments across the University make cuts to their annual budgets to offset a $200 million budget shortfall, Weill Cornell Medical College is reaching deep into its pockets to scrounge more than $2.6 million — a sum that the University truly does not have to spare.

This exorbitant payment will be handed over to the U.S. government in order to resolve charges brought against the medical college for filing fraudulent claims in order to secure millions of federal research money from the National Institutes of Health and the Department of Defense. Unfortunately, this incident was not an isolated one for Cornell. The University has spent millions in the past to cover up similar charges of fraud surrounding research funding.

President Barack Obama just can’t quit his Blackberry. Even though the U.S. Commander in Chief is not allowed to have a personal cell phone, Barry has bucked the trend and kept his fingers typing away on his crackberry. But closer to home, rumor has it that our very own President David Skorton also suffers from the same cell-phone related addiction. Though most administrators have decided in favor of the iPhone, Skorton has chosen the Blackberry Bold, and we hear he has a bad case of Blackberry thumb. We got a hold of his PIN (it’s 31b0c98e, btw), and contrary to popular belief, not everything the president says sounds like a polished press release. Here’s our exclusive bbm conversation with Skorton ...

Cornell Sun: Yoooo! Back from break?

We understand that the financial outlook is grim. And we know that as students, we certainly do not have the critical answers. But as the University reshuffles amidst this economic storm, students and faculty are being left out in the rain to peer through a window blurred by a lack of transparency.

Spring Break is here and downtown at HEROES & VILLAINS, we’re ready for the HEROIC wet t-shirt contests, drinking games and dances with the devil on exotic beaches far, far away from the VILLAINOUS Ithaca cold. But, wait, what’s that we hear about VILLAINOUS violence and political turmoil in Mexico? Looks like those Bloody Marys may not actually be made of tomato juice ...

We’re ready to put H&V to bed for a week, but first we have a few last issues to duke out.

For a college that has seen much activism in recent months in response to a lack of administrative transparency, we are appalled that such a drastic step was taken by the College of Architecture, Art and Planning by closing the Knight Visual Resources Facility.

The KVRF — which will be closing in June — served the needs of many students and faculty within AAP where the facility was housed. Garnering national prestige, the resource was one of Cornell’s most notable collections of images and visual materials.

The disappointing results of the housing lottery last week stirred deep-rooted concerns about the nature of on-campus housing at Cornell. Even after $225 million were spent on the West Campus Residential Initiative, many students were left unhappy this past week. The University has rightly sought to ensure a meaningful and closely knit campus community, but as the situation stands now, it hasn’t pulled its weight to ensure student satisfaction.

Ann Coulter '84 was right. The Ag School is nothing but a bunch of dairy farmers and plant growers with low SAT scores. In fact, the only worthwhile things to come out of CALS are some self-important fratastic AEM majors and the Dairy Bar. Yum! Delicious ice cream! But it’s winter now, and the Dairy Bar is closed, so all we’re left with is a bunch of kids who pop their collars and wear pink shirts. But what about the other schools? Well, let’s find out ...

ILR

Known for reading books about unions, communism, anarchism and also for protesting sweatshops, ILRies have ought to change their acronym to “I Love Rioting.” Industry is dead anyway, we’re guessing labor is too. As for relations, you guys can all go ILRcest in the basement of Ives.

Human Ecology

From climate change to contraceptives, evolution to sex education in public schools, the Bush Administration had a stranglehold on science. But yesterday, President Obama began to loosen the government’s grip, lifting Bush’s imposed limits on federal funding for new stem cell research.

Bush’s 2001 bans on research funding transformed what should have been an intellectual academic debate into a bipartisan political battle, overstepping his bounds as he drew on moral and religious sentiments supporting his cause. Today, Obama is seeking a return to “sound science,” pledging to weed out all of the political meddling.